Shine Theory
“If I’m shiny, everybody’s gonna shine…”
I first heard of Shine Theory through Lizzo, which says something about the convoluted way that viral phenomenon tend to come to our attention. In many ways, Lizzo feels like the poster child for Shine Theory, given her relentless positivity and support for women around her. But, while Lizzo is one of the more visible promoters of this concept, she’s not the originator.
Shine Theory was conceived by Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman, co-authors of the new book Big Friendship. In Big Friendship they discuss Shine Theory at some length, but it had been out in the world as a viral phenomenon well before the book. The core tenant of Shine Theory is really a modern take on the old idea that ‘we rise by lifting others,’ repackaged for the concerns of a younger, newly professional, largely female audience. Don’t get me wrong, that packaging is important! And this new spin on the old adage makes a huge difference in how Shine Theory reaches people who really need to hear it.
There are two things that I love about Shine Theory:
Shine Theory is about Abundance
Competition is driven by scarcity. Every day we hear messages that we have to compete with others for our place at the table, for our voice to be heard, for the next job offer, and for the limited resources allotted to women, minorities, or people with our skill sets at our places of work. These messages create fear and stress and they lead us to treat one another as adversaries rather than partners. What’s worse, the messages about scarcity largely aren’t true.
There is no universal fixed number of good jobs, best-selling books, hit songs, successful companies, or great ideas. By partnering with other women rather than competing with them, we not only increase our odds of success, we actively create more opportunities for success for everyone.
Shine Theory is about Investment
This isn’t drive-by networking. Shine Theory isn’t a pat on the back, or a supportive message, or a catch-up coffee once a quarter. Shine Theory is about sharing what you know with others and learning from them in turn. It’s mentorship, but in a more collective way — we’re not just absorbing the wisdom of an older generation, we’re learning and growing with our peers. Even better, we’re redefining wisdom in the process, replacing ideas that no longer serve us with ones that absolutely do.
What does Shine Theory mean for us right now?
Working parents are holding on by their fingernails during this pandemic. People have lost jobs left and right, kids are struggling to do anything approaching school, not seeing people makes it harder than ever to sustain the connections that sustain us. It’s a tough time to think about collective support and deepening personal investments. It’s also maybe the most important time to do so.
It’s hard to be useful and depressed at the same time. The first time I heard this concept was out of the mouth of Louis CK, though it’s not his original idea (which he acknowledged). He was on one of the late shows talking about depression, a not-uncommon struggle of many comedians. And he said that this idea is one that had lessened some of his own pain. When he started to go into the dark place, helping someone else was a good way to pull up again.
It’s a bit counter-intuitive because, if you’re like me, it really feels overwhelming right now and like we need to hunker down and white-knuckle our way through the days. But the truth is that the hunkering down only makes our own burdens feel heavier. The way to lighten our burden is to help carry someone else’s.
So here is the challenge — find someone to shine with. Who do you know who would benefit right now from deepening community and sharing wisdom with you? Offer it. Start to invest in people. We can make this challenging time better for all of us, and maybe even get to the other side stronger and shinier.
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